Discernment
Good job, pupils.
I need to be officially in discernment now. I've been in unofficial discernment for my whole life, but specifically for about 4 years. And by "discernment," I mean that I am trying to pray and talk with enough wise counselors about God's will in my life that I can decide if God is calling me to ordained ministry--to the priesthood.
Oh, I've been a minister. I've been lucky enough to be part of God-centered churches who are reaching out to include others, love children, and get to the heart of Jesus' radical message of love and inclusion. I have followed my role models into leadership positions at every church I've been in, even my childhood church as a teenager. I've led retreat weekends, served on advisory boards, written curriculum, run Sunday School programs, led Vacation Bible Schools...the list goes on. And each time, I prayerfully wondered if this new role would fullfill the burning desire God has put in my hear to be a leader for Him.
After Scott and I both heard God calling us to be parents--a lot earlier than we had originally expected--I wondered if perhaps all my thoughts about God calling me to children's ministry and leadership weren't about becoming a priest, after all. Perhaps they were just preparation for motherhood.
I was pregnant with Grace as I led the young adult retreat weekend for our diocese and delivered a sermon at the closing ceremony, at which the Bishop was present. He pulled me aside afterwards and while I stammered things like, "Um, your honor, I mean, Father, I mean...what do we call you??" He smiled said in his regal British accent, "That was the best closing sermon I have ever heard. I was moved." He glanced at my blooming belly. "And I know you are busy but I want you in my office to seriously talk about your future in ordained ministry."
That was (wait, how old is Grace? Okay, plus some pregnant months...) about three years ago. And I never went to meet him. You could say I've been distracted. Or scared that my life will change. Or worried that Scott doesn't want to be married to a priest. Or resistant to the idea that I would be working most weekends and holidays. Or incredulous that someone with as many flaws as I have could be called to be a priest.
That last one is the kicker. Because Scott is on board. A friend my age who has been through seminary and ordination told me that if this is God's plan, He will bring Scott along on the journey. And He has. Scott told me through tears last fall that he knew God had planned for me to do something big in my life for others. That he knew I was not meant just for him, but for the world.
But that God would want me to be a spiritual leader when I still have so much work to do and have so many questions about Jesus and what it truly means to follow Him, is crazy. Then my dear guide and friend Stacey said that it isn't about getting perfect and then leading others to that same perfection. It is about recognizing that you are God's tool and opening up your heart to let Him work through you in whatever capacity He needs to. And another wise guide and friend, Martha, added that God HAS been working through me. This is not a new calling. It is the continuation of a calling that has been operating in my life for decades.
When I was in the midwest in my Grandma's tiny town in the middle of Nebraska, we went to her little church where my mom and dad were married almost 40 years prior. With no regular priest, they were planning on just having morning prayer that Sunday. When I found this out, my heart lept and I literally thought for two seconds that I could do the Eucharist for them.
You see, I am already a priest in my heart and mind. I am a priest with partial leadership training, with a lot of theological learning to do, with a lot of mentoring yet ahead of me, with no financial church experience yet, and with some fear in my bones about where God is leading me and my family. But a priest none-the-less my friends.
That is the answer to the quiz. You can call her a priest.
I need to be officially in discernment now. I've been in unofficial discernment for my whole life, but specifically for about 4 years. And by "discernment," I mean that I am trying to pray and talk with enough wise counselors about God's will in my life that I can decide if God is calling me to ordained ministry--to the priesthood.
Oh, I've been a minister. I've been lucky enough to be part of God-centered churches who are reaching out to include others, love children, and get to the heart of Jesus' radical message of love and inclusion. I have followed my role models into leadership positions at every church I've been in, even my childhood church as a teenager. I've led retreat weekends, served on advisory boards, written curriculum, run Sunday School programs, led Vacation Bible Schools...the list goes on. And each time, I prayerfully wondered if this new role would fullfill the burning desire God has put in my hear to be a leader for Him.
After Scott and I both heard God calling us to be parents--a lot earlier than we had originally expected--I wondered if perhaps all my thoughts about God calling me to children's ministry and leadership weren't about becoming a priest, after all. Perhaps they were just preparation for motherhood.
I was pregnant with Grace as I led the young adult retreat weekend for our diocese and delivered a sermon at the closing ceremony, at which the Bishop was present. He pulled me aside afterwards and while I stammered things like, "Um, your honor, I mean, Father, I mean...what do we call you??" He smiled said in his regal British accent, "That was the best closing sermon I have ever heard. I was moved." He glanced at my blooming belly. "And I know you are busy but I want you in my office to seriously talk about your future in ordained ministry."
That was (wait, how old is Grace? Okay, plus some pregnant months...) about three years ago. And I never went to meet him. You could say I've been distracted. Or scared that my life will change. Or worried that Scott doesn't want to be married to a priest. Or resistant to the idea that I would be working most weekends and holidays. Or incredulous that someone with as many flaws as I have could be called to be a priest.
That last one is the kicker. Because Scott is on board. A friend my age who has been through seminary and ordination told me that if this is God's plan, He will bring Scott along on the journey. And He has. Scott told me through tears last fall that he knew God had planned for me to do something big in my life for others. That he knew I was not meant just for him, but for the world.
But that God would want me to be a spiritual leader when I still have so much work to do and have so many questions about Jesus and what it truly means to follow Him, is crazy. Then my dear guide and friend Stacey said that it isn't about getting perfect and then leading others to that same perfection. It is about recognizing that you are God's tool and opening up your heart to let Him work through you in whatever capacity He needs to. And another wise guide and friend, Martha, added that God HAS been working through me. This is not a new calling. It is the continuation of a calling that has been operating in my life for decades.
When I was in the midwest in my Grandma's tiny town in the middle of Nebraska, we went to her little church where my mom and dad were married almost 40 years prior. With no regular priest, they were planning on just having morning prayer that Sunday. When I found this out, my heart lept and I literally thought for two seconds that I could do the Eucharist for them.
You see, I am already a priest in my heart and mind. I am a priest with partial leadership training, with a lot of theological learning to do, with a lot of mentoring yet ahead of me, with no financial church experience yet, and with some fear in my bones about where God is leading me and my family. But a priest none-the-less my friends.
That is the answer to the quiz. You can call her a priest.
posted by Sarah at 2:40 PM
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